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I can’t stress enough how important boundaries are for good mental health. But what exactly are they, and how do we set them?
What Are Boundaries?
Let's start with what boundaries are. In essence, boundaries are the limits we set with others (and ourselves) to protect our personal space, emotions, and time. They help us feel safe and respected and set clear expectations for those around us.
Understanding Boundaries
Boundaries come in many forms - physical, emotional, and psychological. They are the invisible lines that define our comfort zones and dictate how we allow others to interact with us. Healthy boundaries are crucial for maintaining balance and wellbeing in our lives. Without them, we risk feeling overwhelmed, undervalued, and disrespected. While some boundaries will be rigid and never change, some may be more flexible, changing depending on our relationship with that person or where we’re at emotionally.
The thing about boundaries is that there is no right or wrong, you get to choose what feels comfortable for you.
How to Set Clear, Healthy Boundaries
Setting boundaries can seem daunting, but it’s a vital skill for protecting your mental health. Get started by:
Knowing Your Needs - First and foremost, understand your own needs. Reflect on what makes you feel comfortable and what stresses you out. Identify the responsibilities you're happy to take on and those you aren't. Knowing these things will help you set effective boundaries.
Speaking Up - Communication is key. Clearly and respectfully let others know your limits. It’s okay to say no to things you don’t feel a whole-body "yes" for. Use “I” statements to convey your feelings without blaming others, such as “I need some time alone to recharge.”
Sticking to Them - Consistency is crucial. Once you’ve set a boundary, stick to it. If someone crosses it, don’t hesitate to remind them why it’s in place. Reinforce your boundaries calmly but firmly. Remember, setting boundaries is a form of self-care and is essential for prioritising your well-being.
Examples of Healthy Boundaries
To give you a better idea, here are some examples of boundaries that you might set:
Physical Boundaries: Needing personal space or setting limits on physical touch.
Emotional Boundaries: Protecting your feelings by avoiding toxic conversations or relationships.
Time Boundaries: Managing your time effectively by setting limits on your availability. For example, not answering work emails outside of office hours.
In my practice, some of my own boundaries include specifying acceptable forms of communication with clients and ensuring I don’t respond to emails outside of working hours. These boundaries help me maintain a healthy work-life balance and prevent burnout so I can provide a better service to my clients.
The Importance of Healthy Boundaries
Being firm with your boundaries can be scary, but it’s absolutely key to preventing burnout, boosting your self-esteem, and improving your relationships with others. When you set clear boundaries, you protect yourself from taking on too much. This helps prevent the physical and emotional exhaustion that comes with burnout. By prioritising your needs, you ensure you have the energy and resources to take care of yourself and others effectively.
Setting clear boundaries reinforces your self-worth. They remind you and others that your needs and feelings are valid and important. This boosts your self-esteem and fosters a sense of respect for yourself. When you respect yourself others will follow suit.
While it can feel uncomfortable to set boundaries in existing relationships, the reality is that healthy boundaries lead to healthier relationships. They create a foundation of mutual respect and understanding. When both parties in a relationship understand and respect each other’s boundaries, it minimises conflicts and misunderstandings, fostering a more supportive and harmonious connection.
Start Setting Boundaries Today
Setting boundaries is not a one-time task but a continuous process. It requires practice, patience, and self-compassion. Start small and gradually build up your boundaries. Remember, you deserve to feel safe, respected, and valued. Setting boundaries is one of the most empowering steps you can take towards a healthier, happier you.
Feel free to reach out if you need support in setting healthy boundaries. Together, we can create a nurturing space and ensure your mental wellbeing.